Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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