I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
