i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
