distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sarcasm needs its own font
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
