fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
