she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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