Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
3 2 1 whiskey
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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