swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
