i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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