She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
