3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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