making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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