she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
