Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
