So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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