I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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