That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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