Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
