get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
