i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
