Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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