Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize