she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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