You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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