Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
