is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
