is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
