Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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