Need sex. Gaining weight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
