I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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