how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
