Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
