Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize