i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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