Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
