I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
