Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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