so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
