I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
