I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
