Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize