kristin has been a bad kristin
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
