You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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