...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
