Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
