HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
