Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
