I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
