When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
