You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize