I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
