I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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