making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
