I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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