I will die if light touches me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
