I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
