Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
