imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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