he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
