I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
