so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
